Understanding the Weight of “I Want to Die”
Have you ever said to yourself, “I want to die”? I have. These thoughts terrify me when I’m “in it” – when depression consumes and tortures me, refusing to let go. You feel left alone to fend for yourself. Honestly, it’s hard to feel any other way when it happens. If you haven’t experienced depression, it’s difficult to understand.
Even for those with depression, learning how to cope is challenging. After years of suffering, countless hours of research, and extensive self-observation, I’ve realized a few things I’d like to share with you.
Realizing You’re Not Alone
First, thoughts of wanting to die are common with depression. Knowing this can help you get through it. Depression makes you feel isolated and distant from those around you. When you’re disconnected from the world, why wouldn’t you feel miserable? It may seem like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, but I promise you there is, and my goal is to help you find it.
Remember, you’re not alone. Over 300 million people worldwide have depression. We’re all in this together.
Deep Introspection: What Do You Really Mean?
Now, I have a question for you to ponder. Take a moment for deep introspection and soul-searching.
When you’re ready, step back and ask yourself:
When you say “I want to die,” are you really saying, “I don’t want to feel like this anymore”?
Is that what you mean? This realization is the light at the end of your tunnel – the foundation for returning to your old self. Hold onto it. Since 2017, I’ve felt this way, but it took time to understand that this is what depression does.
The Mysteries of Depression
Why Does Depression Make Me Feel Like I Want to Die?
Scientifically, nobody knows for certain. If someone claims they do, they’re not being truthful. The more you search, the more hypotheses you’ll find. That’s why there are numerous books, research studies, diets, exercises, medications, therapies, and other recommendations to improve depression. Be wary of gimmicks and double-check your research using credible sources if you see red flags. Anything claiming to “take away your depression” without thoroughly testing you is likely fake. Full testing is necessary to find your specific cause.
Most medical research points to a decrease or lack of the neurotransmitter serotonin. I lean towards this hypothesis because it’s over 50 years old and has substantial data to analyze.
Complicating matters further, depression seems to have different tiers, ranging from disinterest to irritability to overwhelming suicidal thoughts, with various torturous feelings in between. I’m still trying to make sense of it all.
Taking Action: What Can I Do When I Feel Like I Want to Die?
Remember your light from before? “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” That’s the real issue, and that’s your beacon. Your mind may automatically jump to the worst-case scenario at times. Stay grounded during this awful period. I know it’s hard, but looking for the cause will be rewarding. I promise.
Remember that with depression, you have options: medications, therapies, doctors, meditation, hobbies, friends, family, and each other. If you’re struggling and feel like no one cares, I care deeply about you and your well-being. Many others care about you too, even if it’s hard to see that when you’re behind the curtain of depression.
Small Steps Toward Healing
Take a leap of faith and set small, achievable goals. Take a shower, change your clothes, call that friend or family member you miss. Engage in a hobby you love, even if you don’t feel like it. Dress up nicely, even if you have nowhere to go. Every small step can make a difference.
Avoid or limit your social media use. Social media can often make us feel worse, presenting unrealistic portrayals of happiness and success. Remember, you don’t have to impress anyone. Focus on getting better because that’s what matters most.
Techniques for Overwhelming Moments
When feeling overwhelmed by depression, try techniques like screaming into a pillow. You can even add words like “F*** you” or “I can’t stand you ______.”
Bookmark this page and read it when you’re feeling depressed:
You don’t want to die; you just miss feeling joy. I understand you want things to be different. This is what depression does – it strips you of feelings like love, inspiration, motivation, self-confidence, self-worth, joy, and empathy. Everything that makes you feel human. You may experience bitterness, anger, hate, confusion, denial, irritability, resentment, or even suicidal thoughts. You have a right to feel this way, but understand that this isn’t you – it’s depression. No matter what, you will not give in, give up, or let these feelings consume you. Depression’s goal is to keep you down. Don’t let it win!
Conclusion: Hold Onto Your Light
You don’t want to die; you just want to feel better. Truly realize this. This is the light you need to hold onto while you figure out your cause. Eventually, the depression will pass. Limit social media use as it can negatively influence your mood. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try screaming into a pillow for relief.
If you’re not feeling safe and need to talk, there are helpline numbers available available here on our resources page. They’re there for a reason, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. You’ll be glad you called, and so will they.
Remember, we’re all in this together. Keep your head up, friend, and know that I’m rooting for you.
